寻求帮助——为了朋友

How to Help a Friend, Relative, or Other Loved One

常见的反应

Survivors of sexual assault may have a range of emotional, 物理, and mental reactions to the trauma of being sexually assaulted, including not having any reaction at all. 必须明白，每个幸存者都会以不同的方式回应和应对创伤. Regardless of how long ago the assault was committed, survivors of sexual assault may experience some of the following:

• Fear • Anger • Sadness • Rage • Guilt • Embarrassment • Depression • Helplessness • Isolation • Tension or Anxiety • Numbness • Confusion • Denial • Hyper-vigilance • Inability to concentrate • Intrusive memories of the assault • Change in eating and sleeping habits • Increased alcohol consumption or the use of substances as a coping mechanism • Avoidance of loved ones or activities that were enjoyable prior to the assault • Lack of trust • Need to regain control • Nightmares or flashbacks of the incident • Insomnia • Increase or decrease in sexual activity • Low self-esteem • Extreme paranoia • Suicidal thoughts • The need to escape or forget • Other 物理 symptoms such as: eating disorders, 恶心想吐, 腹泻, 肌肉紧张, 焦虑, 呼吸困难, 妇科问题, 头痛, 恐慌症

These are just a few of the reactions a person may have. They are not unique to sexual assault; anyone in crisis may show some of these behaviors. 作为朋友，你能很好地判断出你的朋友有哪些共同的情绪和行为. 如果你的朋友在没有明显原因的情况下开始表现出不典型的行为, don't be afraid to ask directly what is wrong. You may be the first person to respond to your friend's problem and, for a victim of sexual assault, this is the starting point of recovery.

有用的策略

没有规定的治疗性侵犯的方法，因为每个人的经历都不一样. 治愈需要时间，并从亲人和朋友的同情支持开始. 这里有一些你可能会发现有用的策略，可以帮助你的朋友从他或她所经历的创伤中恢复过来.¹

• 相信你的朋友. 研究表明，幸存者第一个向他或她讲述自己故事的人的反应, whether positive or negative, will affect the way in which healing occurs.毫无疑问、毫不犹豫地相信你的朋友是你能为他/她做的最重要的事情.
• 在那里. 听非. 当别人给我们讲故事时，我们自然会进行分析和质疑. However, active listening skills teach us to talk less and listen more. Never question a survivor's actions, 袭击的细节, or why your friend feels the way he or she does. If you are having difficulty understanding what your friend is saying, try to clarify by paraphrasing what you do understand. 除了, 你可以向对方反映你听到他/她分享的感受，以确保你没有假设你的朋友的感受反映了你自己的信仰或判断.
• Assure your friend that it is not his or her fault and that he or she is not to blame for the assault in any way. 性侵的幸存者通常会为所发生的事情自责. 重要的是，我们要帮助他们明白，无论发生了什么，都不是他们的错.
• Assure your friend she or he is not alone. Survivors of sexual assault often feel isolated, scared, and powerless. You can be the most helpful just by being there. 你的存在可以安抚幸存者，让他或她在一个安全的环境中解决他/她的情绪.
• 给你的朋友力量. 因为强奸和其他类型的性侵犯是剥夺个人权力的犯罪行为, 重要的是，不要把这种经历复杂化，给你所爱的人施加压力，去做他或她还没有准备好做的事情. 记住，总是取决于幸存者做出的选择，而这些选择将会影响康复过程. 为你的朋友提供资源和选择将帮助他或她重新获得失去的控制.
• 如果你所爱的人愿意寻求医疗救助或报告袭击事件， offer to accompany him or her wherever he/she needs to go (health center, police station, etc.).

有用的短语

下面是一些有用的短语，你可以用它们来帮助性侵犯的幸存者，或者鼓励你的朋友说出来:

• 你想做什么?
• How do you feel about that?
• 告诉我更多关于……的事
• What have you tried so far?
• What does he/she think about that?
• What does that mean to you?
• What do you think about that?
• What is it that bothers you about that?
• 以什么方式?
• 你想……吗
• 你想要点什么??
• 你想要点什么? to see happen?
• What I'm hearing you say is?
• What is the best thing that could happen?
• What is the worst thing that could happen?

要避免的事情

Actions and phrases to avoid when helping a survivor of sexual assault:

• 不再有暴力! We often want to respond to violence with aggressive action. 这对你被侵犯的朋友没有帮助，只会让事情变得更糟.
• 评估:避免说“你不应该……”、“你应该……”或“你错了。.”
• Interpreting, analyzing, and diagnosing: “You're doing that because...”
• Warning, ordering, threatening: “If you don't do ___, you'll regret it.”
• Criticizing, blaming: “This wouldn't have happened if you hadn't...”
• Interrogating, cross examining: “When did it happen?”“在哪里发生的?“你为什么要那样做??”
• Advising, offering solutions: “I think you should ___...”
• 给 too positive evaluations: “I'm sure you'll be fine.”“一切都会解决的.”
• Distracting, diverting: “It isn't that bad.” “Let's talk about something more pleasant.”

Taking Care of Yourself while Caring for a Friend

有一个朋友或家人被侵犯是非常令人沮丧的经历. 在支持朋友的同时，你也要照顾好自己，这一点很重要. Supportive services are available through the Student 咨询中心 和 监察员.

My Friend Has Been Accused of Sexual Assault

If a friend or someone you know is accused of sexual assault, 很可能你有疑问，并且可能正在努力理解发生了什么. 你可能会经历一系列的情绪，如无助、愤怒、困惑或背叛. 如果你的朋友告诉你他/她被指控性侵犯, he/she may be turning to you for help and support. You may be unsure how to respond to your friend or the situation. Here are a few ways you can help your friend through this experience:

• Direct your friend to resources. 校园里有一些人可以和被指控性侵犯的人交谈. 这些bc菠菜导航人士可以帮助那个人了解接下来会发生什么. 帮助你的朋友获得这些资源是你可以采取的一个步骤，在你们两个都可能感到困惑和情绪化的时候提供支持. 鼓励你的朋友与性暴力应对小组的成员交谈。.
• 建议你的朋友寻求心理咨询来处理他/她可能正在经历的情绪. 寻求心理咨询也可能对你有帮助，帮助你处理你可能因这种情况而经历的任何情绪和创伤. Counseling services are available through the Student 咨询中心.
• Get educated on the issue of sexual assault. 这个网站上的信息可以回答你可能有的一些问题. 如果您正在寻求关于性侵犯的更多信息，请联系SVRT的成员.
• Be available to listen in a non-judgmental manner. 他/她可能不愿意谈论这件事，但是让你的朋友知道你会倾听

还记得, being a friend does NOT mean:

• Judgment as to whether or not a sexual assault occurred. 确定是否发生了犯罪或司法违规是法律系统和/或校园管理人员的责任.
• 采取行动. Violence or retaliation is not the answer to helping your friend. 还记得, 骚扰和威胁行为不仅于事无补，而且可能破坏正在进行的任何法庭或司法程序.

Helpful phrases to encourage your friend to talk:

• 你想做什么?
• How do you feel about that?
• 告诉我更多关于……的事
• What have you tried so far?
• What does he/she think about that?
• What does that mean to you?
• What do you think about that?
• What is it that bothers you about that?
• 以什么方式?
• 你想……吗
• 你想要点什么??
• 你想要点什么? to see happen?
• What I'm hearing you say is?
• What is the best thing that could happen?
• What is the worst thing that could happen?